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FAA gives Santa clearance to fly
By Dave Jackson The Journal has learned that the Federal Aviation Administration has granted clearance for unlimited flight operations by the oldest known air travel vehicle. According to Paul Takemoto, an FAA spokesman, St. Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus, has received the FAA's approval to fly-at-will, without having to file flight plans, which are normally mandated. The FAA has approved a special amendment to the open skies agreement reached between the United States and 28 foreign nations, allowing Santa automatic landing rights in most areas of the world. According to Takemoto, St. Nicholas, who was unavailable for comment, will be exempt from all taxes and fees. Takemoto described the vehicle used by Mr. Claus as a ''fire engine- red sleigh angled to provide the necessary lift for the expected heavy cargo.'' He said the sleigh is also equipped with twin runners which have ''remarkable aerodynamic qualities.'' He said the sleigh was approved late Saturday by a ''special on-site FAA inspection team at the North Pole. Inspectors found the sleigh to be in perfect working order -- despite being approximately 16 centuries old.'' Takemoto said technological advancements have ''enabled the sleigh to be equipped with state-of-the-art equipment, including an Enhanced Ground Proximity Warning System, a Traffic Alert and Collision Avoidance System (TCAS) transponder, and a Global Position System (GPS).'' The GPS receiver, complete with FAA enhancements, will allow Mr. Claus to pinpoint his exact location within 36 inches on an unusually high percentage rate of 100 percent, Takemoto said. FAA enhancements to the equipment, he said, will ensure that Santa won't accidentally go to a house of a child that North Pole-produced lists have indicated was naughty during the past year. The Journal has left messages at the North Pole for Mr. Claus and various North Pole spokespersons for comment about the lists; however, a message on the answering machine indicated that no one would be available for comment until after Dec. 27. The extra day, it is presumed, would allow Mr. Claus to rest from his Christmas Eve flight. Mrs. Claus, an avionics engineer by trade, was responsible for adapting the equipment to the sleigh, ensuring all components were operating correctly, Takemoto said. Ground maintenance and baggage, consisting of an unusually large payload of items, described as being mainly toys, will be handled by many short people which Mr. Claus refers to as elves. Takemoto said engine thrust for the sleigh will be provided by eight reindeer, and led by a ninth, called Rudolph, a red-nosed reindeer. Rudolph's red nose serves as a beacon that is visible in bad weather, including heavy snow and fog. According to Takemoto, Rudolph also has some kind of sensory perception in his nose that allows him to detect severe weather, allowing Santa to avoid potentially dangerous conditions. |
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